I am filing paperwork to become a bank.

20 11 2008

vaburBANK

How does that sound? I need to open a local bank. That logo looks pretty damn cool if I do say so.

General Motor’s financial arm, GMAC Financial Services, applied to become a bank holding company today, a move that could allow it to grab a piece of the Treasury Department’s $700 billion rescue package and give it access to the Federal Reserve’s discount window to receive emergency loans.

That was reported before Congressional leaders rejected the proposed automotive bailout.

If GMAC somehow gets a piece of the bank bailout, GM should be boycotted. The Big 3 feel like they can improve sales somehow. The only way to do this is to make cars that people want and they are not doing that right now. I can’t even think of handful of domestic cars that I would consider, besides the Cadillac CTS. Don’t even get me started on how the execs flew to Washington in their private jets. Apparently, they’re going to try again after Thanksgiving.



How much is this spider worth?

19 11 2008

I’m not sure what the background of this is but it’s f’n hilarious.



Browse faster with these tweaks to Firefox.

17 11 2008

Firefox is pretty popular these days. If you don’t already use it now, you can find it here. I found these tweaks to make it even faster than it already is. Open your Firefox web browser and type [about:config] in the address bar. (NOTE: DON’T TYPE THE BRACKETS.)

Tweak #1:
In the Filter bar type [network.http.pipelining]. Then, double-click on this line under Preference Name in order to change the value from false to true.

Tweak #2:
In the Filter bar type [network.http.pipelining.maxrequests]. Then, double-click on this line under Preference Name and change the value from 4 to a higher number anywhere from 10 to 30. I set mine to 30.

Tweak #3:
In the Filter bar type [network.http.proxy.pipelining]. Then, double-click on this line under Preference Name in order to change the value from false to true.

Tweak #4:
In the Filter bar type [network.dns.disableIPv6]. Then, double-click on this line under Preference Name in order to change the value from false to true.

Tweak #5:
In the Filter bar type [plugin.expose_full_path]. Then, double-click on this line under Preference Name in order to change the value from false to true.

Tweak #6:
In the Filter bar type [network.protocol-handler.external.ms-help]. Now, you are going to create a new Preference Name with an Integer Value. To do this, right-click on this line under Preference Name and select New, then Integer. In the New Integer value box type in [nglayout.initialpaint.delay] and click OK. Then in the Enter Integer value box type [0] (that’s a zero) and click OK.

Tweak #7:
In the Filter bar again type [network.protocol-handler.external.ms-help]. Now, you are going to create another new Preference Name with an Integer Value. To do this, right-click on this line under Preference Name and select New, then Integer. In the New Integer value box type in [content.notify.backoffcount] and click OK. Then in the Enter Integer value box type [5] and click OK.

Tweak #8:
In the Filter bar again type [network.protocol-handler.external.ms-help]. Now, you are going to create another new Preference Name with an Integer Value. To do this, right-click on this line under Preference Name and select New, then Integer. In the New Integer value box type in [ui.submenuDelay] and click OK. Then in the Enter Integer value box type [0] (that’s a zero) and click OK.

Firefox should be noticeably faster now.



Hmm, Cirque du Soleil or this bag?

11 11 2008

I was thinking about taking the woman to see Cirque du Soleil’s new show, KOOZA. It’s going on at the newly opened National Harbor. So as I was perusing Craigslist, I came across this ad:

“sex worker” bag for KOOZA tix
Reply to: sale-911050090@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-08, 3:15PM EST

Bartering “sex worker” bag for Cirque du Solei KOOZA tix. The bag is a reclaimed man purse (Fast Company mag freebie). It’s hand painted. Spray paint stenciled. And supports Proposition K in Ca.

http://cierneharaburdie.blogspot.com/


* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 911050090

Now here’s my dilemma. Do I get the tickets and take my wife to Kooza or do I barter the tickets for this sweet bag?

Ok, I’m not trying to be a jerk, but why would someone in the DC area want a bag that supports nothing to do with them. Now you’re probably wondering what Proposition K is. If passed, prostitution would become legal. However, it was not passed.

I guess I’m supposed to look at it as a piece of art? Because to me that would be a hideous bag to carry around. The only place I might look cool with it, is at a laser tag place. On top of that, Proposition K did not pass. That’d be like me walking around with a John Kerry shirt on. I suppose people might but that’s pretty silly to me.

I guess I have I’ll have to make a pros and cons spreadsheet.



OMG, man threatens to jump off a building.

6 11 2008

Go to FoxNews.com.

There’s a dude in his boxers ready to jump off his window ledge. He apparently just stabbed his wife to death. I bet the hits are through the roof. This reminds me of a Law & Order episode where this murderer setup webcams to show people tied up. The more people that tuned in, the closer to death they got. For example, one guy was in a water tank and the more hits the site got, the higher the tank would fill.

Apparently he’s only on the third floor though. During my freshman year a guy I knew on my floor (5th), jumped out his window but he ended up ok. This guy is fat so he’ll probably be cushioned if he does plummet.



I Voted! In less than 5 minutes.

4 11 2008

It took me a mere 5 minutes to vote this morning. My friends on the other hand were not as fortunate, having to wait an hour. An early snafu has been identified with VA/Fairfax County Machines though. I better not have to go back.



2009 Job Market.

30 10 2008

I heard this is what Herndon is going to look like next year.



You can vote however you like! YEAH!

28 10 2008

“Obama on the left,
McCain on the right.
We can talk politics all night,
And you can vote however you like.”

Is that Andy Milinakis?



The Best ‘Psycho’ Ex-Girlfriend You’ve Ever Had?

24 10 2008

After a night out with friends, I often feel gleeful that I’m not a part of the dating scene anymore. Dating can be fun, but I like to avoid drama. It seems as though that’s all there is when I hear about friends and the dating scene. I can’t say that I hate any of my exes. I’m certainly glad I don’t have any ex-girlfriends like this.

Why I’ll be the Best ‘Psycho’ Ex-Girlfriend You’ve Ever Had!
Date: 2008-09-20, 12:46PM EDT

I know that all your ex-girlfriends are ‘psychos.’ I’ve heard all about them since hardly a day goes by that you don’t make some eye-rolling reference to ‘that crazy bitch’ who practically ruined your life and then went off and married some successful ‘douchebag’ leaving you to troll local college bars in search of no-strings-attached ass while she enjoys quiet weekends at home with her new in-laws in Connecticut. That selfish, cunt.

I know that you don’t think I could ever be as good of a ‘psycho ex’ as she was. But, I assure you. I can. I’ll be such a raving lunatic nutcase - you won’t even remember her when I’m through with you. Try me.

For starters - I am great in bed. Isn’t that how all the ‘crazy’ ones start out? You’ll meet me at some party through some friend of a friend of a friend who knows I have ‘whacko’ potential but will fail to mention this to the chain of people through whom we are introduced because…quite frankly, our friends don’t really care enough about either of us to keep our best interests in mind. Alternatively, they *do* have our best interests in mind but know that our dramatic personalities and overwhelming egos are forces too powerful for even the most friendly, logical advice. Thus, they abort all attempts to keep us apart and allow us to get drunk and grope each other publicly, shaking their heads all the while because..this shit is gonna’ blow up big time.

Meantime, we’ll already be upstairs, half undressed where you’ll be too drunk to censor yourself so you’ll make overly generous blubbering commentary about how ’sexy’ I am (as I knock into a table lamp with swanlike grace). You’ll also rave on and on about how I have the greatest tits you’ve ever seen and am ‘fucking amazing’ on all other fronts (as if I didn’t know). Compared to the four other chicks you’ve banged, this will be the best sex of your life. And as soon as we’re done, you’ll start forming a mental list of which buddies you are going to text message first about this while at the same time wondering if you could possibly spend the rest of your life with me.

In the sobering light of morning, you’ll forget that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me and instead opt for a “two-night stand” but you’ll quickly realize that I am having none of that and somehow weasle my way into staying over, cooking breakfast and reading your newspaper. I will also have conveniently brought my toothbrush and some sanitary products which I quickly store in your bathroom cabinets since ‘I’m going to be spending a lot of time at your place.’ Your Maxim magazines will go from the top of the toilet to the bottom of the wastebasket because I find them ‘offensive’ and ‘immature.’

Later that day, you’ll log onto Facebook and find out that I’m ‘in a relationship’…with you. Yay! At first, you’ll think it’s creepy but then (due to your inferiority complex) you’ll take it as a compliment and change your relationship status too.

Within an hour, you’ll receive 57 new notifications which indicate that I’ve commented on every photo in your album in which you appear with an unidentified female. Your relationships with these family members, college friends and co-workers will quickly disintegrate as you mistake my obsession for passion and declare your undying commitment to me and stop returning other people’s calls.

Friends will caution you but you’ll be too blinded by my mind-blowing felatio technique to notice anything. Besides, I’ve explained that they’re just jealous of our love. Together, our poor self images will have us each convinced that the other is cheating. We’ll fight about it all the time. Non-stop.

On our ‘good days’ we’ll shower each other with undeserved gifts and sexual favors and the accusatory banter will be minimal - though still prevalent.

Things will be going ‘pretty well’ for a while until one night your phone battery dies and you fall asleep early - forcing me into an incoherent panic. Six unreturned voicemails and text messages will lead me to believe only the worst - you ARE cheating on me! To confirm my suspicions, I will immediately log into all your personal accounts - since you are so technologically oblivious you left your passwords saved on my computer - and find a message to be mad about. It will likely be a harmless flirtation from a platonic friend who lives six states away that pushes me over the edge.

Unable to reach her or you - I will scramble into my car and drive barefoot to your apartment where I will ride up on the curb knocking over an unsuspecting potted plant. The commotion outside will rouse you from your slumber and you’ll stumble bleary- eyed to the window just in time to see me throw the car in reverse and plow into your beloved Huyndai Elantra.

In short order, the police will come, I will cry, you will shout, your landlord will evict you and your insurance company will drop you.
On the bright side, our names will be forever emblazoned together onto a county police report.

Despite all this, it will take another several months for you to come to your senses and break-up with me. Knowing that I am a ticking bomb, you will execute this in the kindest, most reasonable way possible. You will make every effort to lift my spirits by explaning that “It’s not you, it’s me.” and that “I deserve someone better.”

All this, to no avail. The only way you can truly be rid of me is to change your phone number and move across the country where you’ll make new friends and find a new insecure girlfriend to emotionally abuse for months until she finally reaches her psychological breaking point and throws a wine glass at you and storms out of a restaurant.

Everyone will be looking at you, dripping in Pinot Noir with an astonished look on your face. In your head you’ll be thinking, “Ha. That was nothing. You should see my Huyndai Elantra.”

And, that, is why I’ll be the best psycho ex-girlfriend you’ve ever had.

* Location: Dupont
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 848306070

At least she knows who she is.



So long, suckers.

21 10 2008

Millionaire hedge fund boss retires at 37

The other day, hedge fund manager Andrew Lahde retired. Last year his one-year-old fund returned 866 percent betting against the subprime collapse. He left this note:

Today I write not to gloat. Given the pain that nearly everyone is experiencing, that would be entirely inappropriate. Nor am I writing to make further predictions, as most of my forecasts in previous letters have unfolded or are in the process of unfolding. Instead, I am writing to say goodbye.

Recently, on the front page of Section C of the Wall Street Journal, a hedge fund manager who was also closing up shop (a $300 million fund), was quoted as saying, “What I have learned about the hedge fund business is that I hate it.” I could not agree more with that statement. I was in this game for the money. The low hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale, and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking. These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government. All of this behavior supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America.

There are far too many people for me to sincerely thank for my success. However, I do not want to sound like a Hollywood actor accepting an award. The money was reward enough. Furthermore, the endless list those deserving thanks know who they are.

I will no longer manage money for other people or institutions. I have enough of my own wealth to manage. Some people, who think they have arrived at a reasonable estimate of my net worth, might be surprised that I would call it quits with such a small war chest. That is fine; I am content with my rewards. Moreover, I will let others try to amass nine, ten or eleven figure net worths. Meanwhile, their lives suck. Appointments back to back, booked solid for the next three months, they look forward to their two week vacation in January during which they will likely be glued to their Blackberries or other such devices. What is the point? They will all be forgotten in fifty years anyway. Steve Balmer, Steven Cohen, and Larry Ellison will all be forgotten. I do not understand the legacy thing. Nearly everyone will be forgotten. Give up on leaving your mark. Throw the Blackberry away and enjoy life.

So this is it. With all due respect, I am dropping out. Please do not expect any type of reply to emails or voicemails within normal time frames or at all. Andy Springer and his company will be handling the dissolution of the fund. And don’t worry about my employees, they were always employed by Mr. Springer’s company and only one (who has been well-rewarded) will lose his job.

I have no interest in any deals in which anyone would like me to participate. I truly do not have a strong opinion about any market right now, other than to say that things will continue to get worse for some time, probably years. I am content sitting on the sidelines and waiting. After all, sitting and waiting is how we made money from the subprime debacle. I now have time to repair my health, which was destroyed by the stress I layered onto myself over the past two years, as well as my entire life — where I had to compete for spaces in universities and graduate schools, jobs and assets under management — with those who had all the advantages (rich parents) that I did not. May meritocracy be part of a new form of government, which needs to be established.

On the issue of the U.S. Government, I would like to make a modest proposal. First, I point out the obvious flaws, whereby legislation was repeatedly brought forth to Congress over the past eight years, which would have reigned in the predatory lending practices of now mostly defunct institutions. These institutions regularly filled the coffers of both parties in return for voting down all of this legislation designed to protect the common citizen. This is an outrage, yet no one seems to know or care about it. Since Thomas Jefferson and Adam Smith passed, I would argue that there has been a dearth of worthy philosophers in this country, at least ones focused on improving government. Capitalism worked for two hundred years, but times change, and systems become corrupt. George Soros, a man of staggering wealth, has stated that he would like to be remembered as a philosopher. My suggestion is that this great man start and sponsor a forum for great minds to come together to create a new system of government that truly represents the common man’s interest, while at the same time creating rewards great enough to attract the best and brightest minds to serve in government roles without having to rely on corruption to further their interests or lifestyles. This forum could be similar to the one used to create the operating system, Linux, which competes with Microsoft’s near monopoly. I believe there is an answer, but for now the system is clearly broken.

Lastly, while I still have an audience, I would like to bring attention to an alternative food and energy source. You won’t see it included in BP’s, “Feel good. We are working on sustainable solutions,” television commercials, nor is it mentioned in ADM’s similar commercials. But hemp has been used for at least 5,000 years for cloth and food, as well as just about everything that is produced from petroleum products. Hemp is not marijuana and vice versa. Hemp is the male plant and it grows like a weed, hence the slang term. The original American flag was made of hemp fiber and our Constitution was printed on paper made of hemp. It was used as recently as World War II by the U.S. Government, and then promptly made illegal after the war was won. At a time when rhetoric is flying about becoming more self-sufficient in terms of energy, why is it illegal to grow this plant in this country? Ah, the female. The evil female plant — marijuana. It gets you high, it makes you laugh, it does not produce a hangover. Unlike alcohol, it does not result in bar fights or wife beating. So, why is this innocuous plant illegal? Is it a gateway drug? No, that would be alcohol, which is so heavily advertised in this country. My only conclusion as to why it is illegal, is that Corporate America, which owns Congress, would rather sell you Paxil, Zoloft, Xanax and other additive drugs, than allow you to grow a plant in your home without some of the profits going into their coffers. This policy is ludicrous. It has surely contributed to our dependency on foreign energy sources. Our policies have other countries literally laughing at our stupidity, most notably Canada, as well as several European nations (both Eastern and Western). You would not know this by paying attention to U.S. media sources though, as they tend not to elaborate on who is laughing at the United States this week. Please people, let’s stop the rhetoric and start thinking about how we can truly become self-sufficient.

With that I say good-bye and good luck.

All the best,

Andrew Lahde

I can’t think of a better way to say goodbye.